 Dear soul,
There's something I need you to know. Something I think you've forgotten. It might seem trite, but I think it's important. Because you need to know how amazing you are. How special you are. Because I'm guessing you don't see it. ... I know you see all the things that are wrong with you, or all the things you've done wrong. I know you see all the ways that you're lacking, and how you're not as far ahead as the people around you. You may not always feel beautiful... but I bet there is someone who thinks you are f*cking amazing. You may not be where you want to be in life or have the business or job that you want... but I bet that you just being there is making someone's life better. You may feel old and crumbly and haggard - and maybe when you look in the mirror you don't like what you see - but I bet you've made a baby laugh. I bet you've brought someone to tears (maybe without even knowing it) because of a kindness you've done. I bet that you just listening to someone or being there for them has turned their day around. You don't see all these things, but I see them. ... I see the strength it takes to keep going when you feel you've got nothing more to give. I see your beauty and strength and calm as you face challenges other people haven't had to face. And I see your spirit shining through as you blaze a path other people would never have the courage to start down. So stop with the hating on yourself. You're an awesome person, in so many ways. [I've been doing an exercise on this recently where I write down positive things people have said about or to me over the years, and I read them every day, before I check my phone. I can't tell you how powerful it is!] It doesn't matter about the mistakes you've made. Keep making them! Mistakes help us grow. It doesn't matter that you don't know what you're doing. None of us know what we're doing (some people just pretend better than others, or are in complete denial!) Today, friend, just know that you're doing absolutely fine... just the way you are... just as you are now. No changes needed, because we like you just as you are :) ... A short one for today - sometimes needed! Love, Claire ❤
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 Sunshine among the clouds...
It might feel like there's a lot of crap in the world right now. And I'm not denying that worrying things are happening. But it can feel overwhelming when we think about everything going on. The news especially can be so negative: The world’s coming to an end… AI robots will have taken over within 3 years… the planet’s only got 20 years left… Now, I’m not denying that bad things aren't happening. But I want to offer another point of view. Because think about this... Right now, somewhere in the world:
Of course, I don't know for sure that those things are happening right now. But I know that they happen. All the time. And I get that those situations come from a depressing place: the overstretched hospital; the underfunded school; the toxic workplace, etc... But that’s usually all we hear about. My take on it... I'm not saying that “bad people” or bad actions don't exist. I've had my fair (unfair?) share of terrible doctors, unprofessional lawyers, and uncaring social workers, so I know it happens. But for every “bad” person or event, there's a good one as well. Maybe even two! For everyone doing something shitty, there is someone else working to make the world a better place. An exercise you can try:
They’re only small things; I get that. But good things are out there, all the time. We’re bombarded with messages saying “the world is sh*tty and falling apart”. But I don't think that's true. If it was true, it would have happened by now. So keep fighting... keep believing... keep loving... keep listening to your heart and not the news. There will always be that negative 1%. But the positive 99% are out there, slogging away. Quietly working away in the background... and they're not giving up ;) Love to you... til next month! Claire ❤ More like this... A message of encouragement for you My antidote to bad news... A short reminder that things are going to be okay  My son just finished school for the summer holidays and things have been a bit crazy.
Maybe it's the same where you are. Or maybe you don't have kids, but you have a busy summer ahead of you. Either way, I’ve found that when things are hectic, my thoughts tend to go in one direction… downwards! Some examples...
I don’t know about you, but I can usually think of a zillion things I’m doing wrong at any given time. I wonder if you’re the same. Over to you... If I asked you right now, I bet most of you could instantly list ten things you’re “messing up”, or things you could be doing better. [I snapped at my kids… my closet is a mess… I haven’t called my mom/sister/grandad for weeks… I ate a full pack of cookies last night…] It’s so easy to think of all the things we’re doing “wrong”. Don’t get me wrong - it’s important to take stock and learn from our mistakes… that’s where the growth happens. But sometimes we go too far, and end up focusing solely on our failures. A challenge for this week... If you can relate, hit pause for a minute and think about the following: What are you doing “right”? [By “right”, I don’t mean correctly or perfectly… I mean in opposition to the things you feel you’re messing up or doing wrong.] It’s so easy to remember the “bad” things: the conversation where you said something stupid; the room in your house filled with boxes and clutter; the way other people seem to be crushing it and you just managed to have a shower today… So often, we see the “bad” in ourselves and not the good. So if you have a minute, take out a pen and paper, and make a list… What are you doing "right", right now?! What good things are you doing that you might have missed?
Cause here's the thing: I bet that for every mistake you make, there are 10 things you're doing “right” as well. And “right” doesn’t have to be noteworthy or incredible. It might just be surviving. It might be commonplace. Surviving, keeping the peace, or simply ticking along are all wins! So my advice for today: try to find something you’re doing well, every time you berate yourself for doing something wrong. Examples from my own life... - It’s the summer holidays and I’m a solo parent, but I’m still managing to send this newsletter. - I didn’t eat well this morning, but I did make some healthy granola the other day and it didn’t take long (i.e. I can quickly and easily do it again!) - I was stupid in hurting my back, but I found some great strength exercises for when I’m feeling better - and now I have the motivation to do them! :) Final words... We’re always gonna mess up; that’s a given - especially if you’re striving to improve yourself (which so many of you here are, in wonderful ways!) But throughout all the mishaps and mess-ups, we often forget the things we’re doing well in the day-to-day. So remember the balance: “Yes I messed up, but I also had these wins…” “Yes that conversation wasn’t great, but I had just worked a 12-hour shift…” “Yes I did go to bed late last night… but hopefully I’ll be really tired for tonight!?!” Your comments and thought are welcome as always! Love, Claire ❤  This month I didn't get my blog posted on the 11th as planned.
To be honest, I had about four different posts drafted, ready to go. But when I read through them, none of them felt right. I wasn't happy with any of them. And I don't see the point in posting something just for the sake of it. Figuring out why… When I thought about it, I realized that I had gotten in my head about my blogs. I was trying to write something that would help or appeal to every single reader. I wanted to write something that was powerful for every single person. But this is just not possible! There's no way I can know what every single person is going through or what everyone needs. I was setting myself a completely unrealistic expectation. How you can use this… It got me thinking about how often we set ourselves impossible tasks. So often we get frustrated - not because we're not capable, but because the task itself wasn't possible. We're setting ourselves up to fail! So have a look at at the list below - some of the most common "impossible goals" I've heard (or had myself). Do you recognize yourself in any of these?! 1. Wanting other people to change. This has been a huge one for me: trying to get certain people in my life to stop their hurtful or damaging behaviour. But here’s the thing: if someone doesn't want to change, they're not going to change. We can't “give” other people learning: they have to be ready for it. And some people just aren’t there yet. (Think about it yourself: how many times have you experienced a lightbulb moment that made you change in some way, Vs. when someone else tells you to do something?) 2. Trying to do 20 hours of work in 10 hours I hear this one from my clients all the time - they're struggling to get through their task list each week. But when we estimate how much time each task really takes, they discover they've set themselves 50 hours of work… with 16 hours to do it in. The math just doesn’t work! If you have a task that takes an hour, give yourself an hour for it (or better still, an hour and a half!) 3. Expecting to have 100% constant energy or be 100% productive Interestingly, I used to hear this more from my American clients. The idea of: “I haven't been 100% productive today, so I’ve failed”. But this is so unrealistic. We all have ebbs and flows of energy - peak times throughout the day when our energy is suited to certain tasks. We need to rest! Like our phones, we all need a recharge. So if you're expecting 100% productivity, 100% of the time, you're gonna be frustrated and disappointed. 4. One that I still grapple with: wanting or expecting it to happen fast. As the Guinness advert says, “Good things take time!” One of the main reasons I see people giving up on their goals or dreams is because they didn’t give them long enough. They expect to have everything done within a month or two. But sometimes things take years! I'm not giving you a get-out to put things off indefinitely, but think about the following:
Something to think about today... What impossible tasks are you setting yourself? Are you waiting patiently for someone else to change? (Good luck with that!) Are you hoping to have your whole life under control within a few months? (“I will declutter my entire house and work out 5 times a week and eat only healthy meals and always be patient with my kids from now on, forevermore!”) Or are you wanting to write that book or song that that will be liked by everyone?* (*Note: this is not the same thing as wanting to produce good work. That’s an awesome goal to have. But it’s probably unrealistic that it will be universally liked by everyone.) To sum up… It’s not that we’re failing - sometimes we're just asking for the impossible! So let yourself off from being perfect, because perfect people don't exist. Claire ❤  A brief background...
I’ve mentioned before that the last few years have been difficult for me:
To say that it's been a tough few years would be an understatement. At various points along my journey, people have said to me: “You're so strong!” I appreciate them saying this, and it does help. But while part of my journey looks like this: Doing 18-mile runs while my son's at school… taking my son to numerous medical and school appointments on my own… furnishing a 3-bedroom house from scratch after moving country… working with clients around the world in different timezones, and a zillion other things… There's something you might not see. There's another side of “being strong”:
That's the other side of strength. It isn't about “crushing it” every minute of the day. Sometimes strength is just dragging myself out of bed when my son's been up all night and I feel like a zombie. For other people it might be:
What I want you to know… Being strong isn’t about winning, keeping going 24/7, or being constantly happy or optimistic. Sometimes being strong is: Staying silent or walking away when someone is trying to goad you. Eating frozen dinners during a tough time until you can get back on track. Having a night of doing nothing / watching trash TV / crying, in order to get up and reset the next day. (I’m a big fan of "pause and reset" – so underrated!) Strength isn’t always sexy. Some days strength is just putting one foot in front of the other; breaking away from the crowd to do what’s right for you; or pausing to catch your breath. Strength can be dogged determination, quiet resolve, or just getting up to fight another day... You got this, whatever you’re facing right now <3 Feel free to message me or leave a comment below if anything here resonates with you – I love hearing from readers! More next month... Until then, keep well, Claire ❤  Something to ponder...
1. Which person is more successful... a) The ex-high school athlete with tons of family support around her, who runs a marathon in under 4 hours; b) Or the woman who just lost her husband to cancer and had limited time to train, who runs a marathon in over 6 hours? 2. Who has had the more successful day... a) The girl who cleaned her kitchen, washed her bed linen, bought groceries and volunteered at a local homeless shelter; b) Or the girl dealing with massive depression who finally manages to have a shower for the first time in 6 days? 3. Who is more successful... a) The guy working in a 6-figure job he hates, who has lost his wife and rarely sees his kids, or... b) The man working for a low wage in a job he loves, surrounded by good friends and family? I hope it's obvious that I'm being facetious with those questions. No one person is more "successful" than any other. It's all relative! It depends where you are in life. But think about this... Which of the above examples looks better... who would have the better Instagram photos?! I think we all know the answer to this:
But photos don't show the whole picture. Social media posts don't show the whole story. [I caught the trailer for the Gabby Petito documentary recently and her friend said something like, "The happier someone looks on social media, the bigger the demons they're battling"... and I'm inclined to agree!] We know this deep down, but sometimes it helps to have a reminder ;) What I want you to know... It's so easy to look at other people and feel like we're not measuring up. That we're not doing as well as them. But we might be dealing with different sh*t! Perhaps they have: a supportive husband / a loving family close by / a tight-knit group of friends / an overflowing bank account that you don’t have. As they say, the only person we really need to compare ourselves with is the us of the past. Because we're all on our own journeys. In my worst days after my marriage ended, doing my teeth was a win. But now I'm back on track, a win might be giving a presentation to 50 people. For my friends, doing 3 or 4 activities in a weekend is quite standard. But for my son with huge anxiety, getting out the house is a win. Just because someone is "crushing it" now, doesn't mean it will always be like that. (Not that I'm wishing people badly; you just never know what's round the corner...) And if you're not exactly where you want to be right now, doesn't mean you can't be there in the future. I see you taking those steps forward, and I believe in you! Til next month… Claire ❤  The other night I went to put the bins out and it was a beautiful, fresh kind of evening.
I glanced up into the sky, and noticed it was a full moon. The moon was shining brightly through the clouds, and it looked so beautiful. I took a breath and had a moment of pure… appreciation. (You know those times when you realize how small you are, and how big the world is?!) It got me thinking about all the people over the centuries who have looked up at the moon (or stars) and had similar moments of wonder. As I had this thought, I had an immediate realization… that I was yearning simplicity. I wanted (needed?) things to be simpler. And I started mulling over what that might look like. What does "simpler" look like? I took a deep breath, and ideas started rushing into my head. (I guess they were just waiting for the invitation!) An image came into my head of sitting around a campfire, quietly chatting with friends. Or relaxing in a comfy chair, looking up at the stars. I took out a pen and paper and started noting down what a simpler life meant, for me...
Not just me... I think it’s the same for many of us. Many of us are craving a move back to simplicity in some form. What does that entail? Maybe taking 5 or 10 minutes to do nothing. (If that elicits a negative or fearful response in you, it might be worth looking into!) Sitting around a fire, roasting marshmallows. Eating a really simple meal (some of my best meals or recipes are the ones that consist of just a few ingredients!) Turning the main lights off and using fairy lights or candles one evening. (It’s only a small thing, but it completely changes the atmosphere in the house. Safely, of course ;) My suggestion to you... If any of this is striking a chord with you, take a minute to think about how you could make your life simpler. Life is busy these days! We live in a fast-paced, on-the-go world – which has brought many benefits – but we need to have ways to get out of that crazy as well. It doesn't have to mean swapping your four-bedroom house for a yurt in the middle of nowhere. It doesn't mean saying no to every social invitation and sitting at home meditating every night :) What it might look like...
Because the crazy pace of life isn’t working for most of us. I think we put up with it because we think we have to. But we don’t. We really don’t. If you want to make a change... Here’s the kicker - no one else can do it for you. If you’re craving a simpler life: start small. Start with one thing, or one area. Take a few moments to think about this: What does “simple living” mean to you? It doesn't need to be ground-breaking or involve shaving your head, moving to a different part of the world, or only eating lentils (phoof!) It might just be giving yourself permission to say no more than you do currently. It might be making a conscious shift from owning more things towards having more meaningful experiences. It might just mean pausing before you eat your dinner, or before you talk to your child or spouse. Or just closing down this webpage, so you have one less tab open ;) Take back the power - however it feels right for you! Until next month, lots of love, Claire ❤  My son’s school does show-and-tell on Fridays.
The kids can bring an item in to show the other kids and talk about it. Many kids do after-school activities like dance or football and they'll get medals or certificates from this, so they bring these in. My son has additional needs, so after-school activities aren't an option for us right now. So he doesn't get medals or certificates or anything like that. Every now and then I rack my brains trying to think of something he might be able to bring in for show-and-tell, because he loves to feel included (don’t we all?!) And it got me thinking… I'm obviously a big fan of accomplishing things. I mean, I'm an accountability coach – I'm all about getting things done! But at the same time, we can put too much focus on this. So in addition to my son’s ‘show and tell’, I’d love to see them do something like: What did you learn this week? Because learning is often as important as what we've achieved. An example… Last week a child said something mean to my son. I asked what he did in response. He said it hurt his feelings, so he went over to another child and asked if he could sit with her instead. I said I thought this was really smart... that he didn't respond to the unkind child, but went to find someone kind instead. So his learning for that week could be: if someone's mean to you, walk away and find someone nice! (And as adults, maybe we could use that for social media etc ;) A suggestion for you… Something to think about this month if it helps: what have you learned recently? I love to hear people's goals and dreams, and how they're moving towards them. I find it inspiring and exciting. But, as my clients will know, I'm also all about the learning ;) What did you learn from this? What could you take from this? How could you tweak things so it's easier / better etc moving forward? For you, that might be something like:
Those are just examples, of course. But learning is such a huge part of life. [And carrying on from this, this is why I don’t believe in failure, per se. If you learned something, it’s not a failure!] If you ever want to message me with goals you’ve accomplished or your progress towards your dreams, I'd love to hear. But I'd also love to hear any learnings you have (and feel free to pop them in the comments, so other people can learn from them too!) More musings again next month but, in the meantime, I hope you’re doing well and are learning ways to be kind and true to yourself. Claire ❤  I was laying on the couch yesterday evening after my son had gone to bed.
I was feeling kind of bored, so I clicked open my emails. (I don’t have notifications on for them, so I have to physically open the app to see them.) It got me thinking how much life has changed recently, and from that, how tricky life has gotten. When you think about your grandparents’ generation, for example, maybe they went to work Monday to Friday, and they came home Friday at 5pm, and that was the end of it. They got to switch off until Monday morning (okay, maybe Sunday evening, if they had the Sunday scaries like some of us do!) But even if there was something stressful at work, there wasn't much they could do until they were back at work or in the office. But for us... With our fast-paced life right now - because we have access to technology 24/7 - we don't get that option anymore. We don't get that liberty. So something to think about, if you're feeling "controlled" by technology… how could you claw back control of your life, so you get a chance to switch off, or go offline, at the end of each day?
Whatever it is, I feel like we're all feeling so frenetic and crazy because we don't get a chance to switch off… ever. Even on holiday, the first thing we do usually is check our phones or log into Facebook etc! There's no judging with that: we're human, and it's human nature. But I fully believe that we can't keep going the way we're going. We have to set boundaries. So a quick question for you: what boundary do you need to set around technology? For me, I actually don't need to check my emails until 9am, for example… there's nothing urgent that needs my attention at 6am! :) As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Drop me an email and I'll get back to you… after 9am ;) Love! Claire ❤  Today's post is a prompt about the people in your life.
Because the people around us can have such an influence on us! I'm sure you've heard the quote about being the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. I've noticed this myself massively over the past few years. As I've got myself back on track after a difficult few years, I've been really mindful about who I have in my life, and how much energy I give to people. And it’s making a real difference. So today I wanted to share some questions about the people in your life. Work through them and note down or think of your answers, if it feels right for you. Ten questions about the people in your life...
Feel free to answer some of those questions, or all of them. You might only have one or a few people that come to mind for them. Or there might be a different person for each one. Either is fine! Next steps... Whoever comes to mind for the above are probably the "bestest" people in your life. So put them to the top of your list! And the people who make you feel the opposite? They can get a little downgrade ;) This doesn't mean that you have to cut them out your life or do anything drastic. We don't have to take life-changing action. Just use it for awareness.
In essence, put them first. I'm still learning this. Sometimes I find myself messaging people or groups I don't care for as much or know that well - purely because they're "noisier" - and then I don't have time or energy for my best peeps! Which is mad, when you think about it. So now I'm trying to put more energy on the people I love and who love me even with my flaws and annoying bits. Who are the best people in your life? And how can you move them to the top of your list? (Note: family may not be relevant in this situation. Eg: you may not call your young child in an emergency - but that doesn't mean they're not important to you!) I hope 2025 has started well for you! Claire ❤ |
